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The Emoji Movie Review

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The Emoji Movie Review

The Emoji Movie Broke Me 1/10

How should I put this. Remember that scene in 'A Clockwork Orange' when Alex was forced to watch horrific images on screen against his will? I would rather go through that level of torture than have to sit through this disgraceful abomination of a movie one more time. This film makes you check the time so often that your neck starts to hurt. No easy task for a film that narrowly scrapes past the 1 hour 20 minute mark.

So whats the story you may ask. I wont even dignify the film with a description because the sad truth is you've already seen it. If you watched either 'Wreck it Ralph', 'Inside Out' or 'Toy Story' there is literally no reason to see this. The unoriginality of this film will make you question why you even thought this had a slightest chance to be successful, let alone mediocre. And yes mediocre was the bar set by this movie and it couldn't even accomplish that.

The Emoji Movie

Sony has a habit of being absolutely shameful with its product placement but this 'film' takes it to an entirely new level. It is clear to me how this film was funded when there is a ten minute segment all about Candy Crush, another segment on a Just Dance app, and lets not forget their main objective of the film. TO GET TO DROPBOX!!! Its like the film has become self aware and is reaching out at you and slapping you around the face reminding you that you paid money to see this.

Honestly I didn't think I would get this angry about something so not worth my time but these films (mainly by Sony Animation Studios) are a clear indication that Hollywood has well and truly given up making decent flicks. Actual human beings worked on this, they wrote the script, they sent it across many producers and executives before they all decided "Yep thats good, put that out". As a filmmaker this makes me incredibly worried as it shows all the passion and creativity that used to go into making films has well and truly been extinguished at this point.

And don't you dare say Im over exaggerating or that its "JUST A KIDS MOVIE"!!! Aladdin is just a kids movie, The Lion King is just a kids movie, Beauty and the Beast (Nominated for best film Oscar) is apparently just a kids movie. But heres the counter argument. They were all GOOD!!!!

Parents if you belittle your children's intelligence by forcing them to watch utter garbage for an hour and a half because parenting is hard work then you have failed as a parent. Take some goddam responsibility and show them something that doesn't destroy brain cells. Because I promise you, young children are going to remember films like Wreck it Ralph or Beauty and the Beast, not a smartphone app version of the Care Bears Movie.

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What If?

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What If?

By Kate Lavery

In another reality I'm doing pretty damn well. I'm making a living from creatively fulfilling and well paid acting gigs, churning out beautifully funny and well crafted plays in between that speak my own unique truth while being universally loved by audiences. I'm living the god damn dream, everything is perfect all the time. Also I'm like a size 10. In another reality a little closer to our own, I'm an usher at a boutique cinema in a small town, where I rent a tiny flat overlooking a cow field with a friend and 50 cats. I haven't acted in months, I can't get the time off for auditions. I have a desk drawer full of ideas for plays that will remain there because I 'just don't have the time to write'.

In this reality, I'm in a flat in Liverpool trying to piece together a voice reel without getting sick of the sound of my own voice. My cafe uniform is drying nearby ready for tomorrow's morning shift, after which I'll be limping across town for rehearsal with my improv troupe. I'm looking at the day's schedule, searching for nap and coffee breaks. The next day will be spent in bed, dividing my time between writing up cover letters and googling 'sudden muscle weakness'. I'm doing ok. Not great, but ok. Not so well as before a sudden anxiety flare up knocked me out of work three years ago, but better than this time last year.

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Sometimes it can take one setback to convince you you're done, whether that's an illness or just one rejection email too many ('best of luck in your future endeavours' too, pal). And you can get to thinking about how much better your life would be if you'd gotten that one great part, if you hadn't gotten sick, if you'd found the one perfect day job that kept you going financially, left enough time for all your creative projects and didn't make you crazy. Well, what if?

It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to that of your peers. This is madness. We could talk for days about how you just can't compare yourself to others because you just don't know what the others are going through. For the most part, we only share the good stuff. When sitting glaring at another application form, or plodding through an audition piece for the much sought after part of 'Friend of Girlfriend', it's easy to forget that for that one guy from uni to get that amazing opportunity he's so humble and so lucky to get and so insistent on plastering across social media, he had to go through a fair amount of glaring at applications and hating life. We hope. So we don't fall for it! We say hey, good for him, and we get back to our own journey.

But it turns out it's pretty easy to start comparing your life to all your own lost alternate lives. And what happens then? Madness, that's what. God, what if I'd got that part in that one film 5 years ago? What if that theatre company had given my play a real shot? What if I didn't have to deal with some ridiculous anxiety disorder, what if? What if? For anything creative, uncertainty is part of the gig. It's the path you're on, and maybe you are missing out. You are definitely missing out on some things, that some alternate version of you is living and taking for granted, the bitch. How dare you. She. Her. Me. Whatever. But chances are she's considering some of the many good things you've got going on with envy, and you might just be doing better than you thought. You're living your life, and that ain't bad. So I repeat to myself at 3am when I consider the cow field and those 50 cats.

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Dr Who Number 13

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Dr Who Number 13

Dr Who Regeneration Complete

I would be lying if I called myself a Dr Who fan. In fact I don't think Ive really got into Dr Who properly since the David Tennant dynasty (which some would dispute was the best doctor) so imagine my shock when I hear the news that Jodie Whittaker is to become the new Doctor Who as the first female Dr in the franchise. At least, I was initially shocked at first like everyone else but then came the obvious and uncomfortable truth......I think I'm okay with it. Maybe its because I come from outside the Dr Who fandom and unchanged by it all. I mean I don't even know who the Dr's apprentice is currently which just shows my knowledge of the series. That being said I would like to think I know a thing or two about casting decisions and this one seems pretty spot on. I personally would feel more outrage from a non British actor portraying the Doctor. Maybe Im biased but I just feel Dr Who should always remain a British property.

On the subject of whether or not a woman can portray the Doctor I say lets give her a shot. I am in no way a fan of feminist pandering by any means but I feel this was going to be an inevitable change regardless of what the fans wanted. The fans originally didnt want David Tennant to go, and we all know what happened there. There are however two ways this can go. We can all hope she is just going to be the same old doctor but with a feminine voice, the same cunning, knowledge and strong attributes the Dr always had. Or we can go the pandering route and have the first episode where the doctor spray paints the tardis pink and "girl power" is her slogan from now on. But lets hope it doesn't come to that. I believe the fans deserve better. At the end of the day the success of Dr Who is and always has been all down to the quality of the writing. Far too often I see films attempt to write a strong character be it male or female and just have them pumping iron or throwing a few punches whilst completely missing the point. An odd comparison but Game of Thrones has some of the strongest female characters on screen and yet the only female characters on the show I can recall even pick up a sword is Aria and Brienne of Tarth and even those scenes are few and far between. Obviously the two shows are worlds apart but the point is still the same. Get the writing down in a believable and realistic way and the character will change along with it. No one would notice on the sex change if the writing was done with respect to the character and not just put in there as a political message. Because come on, aren't we all completely burnt out by politics right now. Who needs that getting in the way of some creative and enjoying content.

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Risky Business Short Film

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Risky Business Short Film

We are very proud and excited to finally release this film we have all worked so hard on. We had a blast making this and we hope to do well at film festivals around the world.

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Risky Business Short Film Indiegogo Campaign

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Risky Business Short Film Indiegogo Campaign

Higgybank are crowdfunding to make a short film that has been six months in the making. We desperately need your kind generosity and help in order to get our film funded and into film festivals. Please take some time to read through our campaign on Indiegogo and see if you can spare any amount of money to fund our film. 

 

This will be a great opportunity to get your hands on some amazing perks that will include but not limited to:

  • Your name in the credits.
  • A chance to visit the set on the day of filming to meet the cast and crew.
  • A chance to become an executive producer on the film.
  • And much more...

If you cant spare anything then please do share our campaign around social media as that would help all of us at Higgybank a great deal and we will gradually be on our way to starting production and sending the finished film for everyone to see by the start of next year.

Thank you all very much.

Higgybank

 

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